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Showing posts with label Patriots. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Patriots. Show all posts

Wednesday, 8 January 2014

Zach's Fearless NFL Playoff Predictions: Divisional Round

Posted on 13:48 by the great khali

            Last weekend, three road teams won (and the lone victorious home team needed to overcome a 28-point second half deficit).  The biggest underdog of the weekend won by a bigger margin than any other team; a team regarded as inept on the road won in the freezing outdoors; the best team at protecting the ball in the regular season turned it over four times; and football’s most conservative, boring, run-first offense somehow blew a four-touchdown lead despite a +3 turnover margin.  Predictable, last weekend was not.
            And yet guess who went 4-0 in his picks?  Guess who picked San Diego to win comfortably and for New Orleans to win in the final seconds?  Yours truly, that’s who.  Now that the gloating is complete, let’s proceed to my divisional round picks, which I’m positive will be 0-4.


            New Orleans Saints at Seattle Seahawks (+ 7½)
            January 11, 4:35pm EST, Fox.

            Let me be clear: I dislike the Seahawks and want them to lose.  I am not alone in this.  I want to believe that in exorcising their road demons last week in Philadelphia, the Saints have suddenly transformed themselves into the 2007 Giants and should be feared wherever they travel.  I want to believe that a Super Bowl winning coach-QB combination with a significantly improved defense can go on the road and beat a 2nd year QB and a franchise all too familiar with playoff disappointment.
            But I can’t quite do it for a few reasons.  First, while the Saints deserve props for finally winning a playoff game on the road (something Seattle had never done until last season), the way they beat the Eagles wasn’t overwhelmingly impressive.  They had two turnovers, and did not force any takeaways.  Brees was shaky early and could not find the end zone in the first half.  Jimmy Graham looked mortal, and the Eagles’ horrible rush defense made Mark Ingram look immortal.  They beat a quarterback and coach who were making their first playoff appearance, and benefitted greatly from a key Riley Cooper dropped pass which would have been a touchdown. 
            Another reason is that when the Seahawks play the Saints at home, stuff like this happens.  Seattle outscored home opponents by an average of 15.4 points this season.  Their pass defense was remarkable; in a year when 13 teams passed for over 4,000 yards, the Seahawks defense allowed only 2,752 (the 2ndbest pass defense – interestingly, the Saints’ – gave up 3,105 yards).  The last NFC defense to boast numbers like that?  The 2007 Buccaneers.  Seattle’s rush D gave up a league-low four touchdowns.  They led the NFL in takeaways, and their lone home loss to the Cardinals in Week 16 was fluky (Seattle had a +2 turnover margin and this play).
            If you want to look for clinks in the Seahawks’ armor, you can look at this: When Seattle wasn’t playing NFC West opponents, they were generally facing lousy teams.  Nine of their 13 victories came against teams with seven wins or fewer (New Orleans boasted only five such wins).  They also played only four playoff teams.  Perhaps the reason those pass D numbers are so outstanding is a reflection of the QBs they defeated: Cam Newton, Colin Kaepernick, Chad Henne, Matt Schaub, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Kellen Clemens (twice), Mike Glennon, Matt Ryan, Christian Ponder, Brees and Eli Manning.  Only two of those QBs had 4000+ yards passing.  Before the home loss to the Cardinals, the Seahawks struggled at home against Tennessee and Tampa Bay. 
            And there’s another disturbing stat for Seahawks fans: Their 2-2 record in December. It’s not like the 2012 Ravens had an outstanding December either, but take a look at the past few 1 seeds that finished December with a .500 record or worse:

TEAM
RECORD
DECEMBER RECORD
PLAYOFFS
2013 Falcons
13-3
2-2
L Conference Championship
2009 Saints
13-3
2-2
W Super Bowl
2008 Giants
12-4
2-3
L Division Round
2008 Titans
13-3
2-2
L Division Round
2007 Cowboys
13-3
2-2
L Division Round
2005 Colts
14-2
2-2
L Division Round

            In other words, those six 1 seeds finished a combined 4-5 in the playoffs after 12-13 December records (that 2009 Saints team rested their starters after winning 13 straight).  Does this mean anything?  Maybe it means that you shouldn’t have two weeks off when you aren’t playing your best football of the season.  Or maybe it means that since 2005, the playoffs have simply gotten wackier.  Of course, it is worth remembering that it was on December 2 that Seattle beat New Orleans by 27.
            I bring all this up, and yet I’m still picking the Seahawks.  Why?  When they take the field Saturday afternoon, they will be the better team.  They could be playing the ’85 Bears and the momentum from those fans would still make this team formidable.  If Percy Harvin returns, they will have the deep threat downfield that perfects their sophisticated offensive scheme.  Richard Sherman is capable of shredding Kenny Stills and Lance Moore, and Mark Ingram will be lucky if he gains half the total yards he had against Philadelphia. 
            An argument could be made that because the Saints have the more experienced roster, played tougher teams, and didn’t have the week off, they may come out strong.  I believe that.  I doubt this game will play out in the same way as the one-sided affair five weeks ago, and the many irrational Seahawks fans who seem to think so are wrong.  I’m picking the Seahawks, but I feel like the homefield advantage is a 10-point swing.

            Prediction: Seattle 34, New Orleans 23

            Playoff Doppelganger: 2008 AFC Divisional Round, Pittsburgh 35, San Diego 24.  The Chargers were the sexy pick and the hot team from the Wild Card round, having beat the Colts in overtime – their fifth straight win.  And although San Diego came out strong, the Stealers monopolized on turnovers and used a strong running game to keep Philip Rivers off the field.  The Pittsburgh home crowd was energized, just like these Seattle fans will be.


Indianapolis Colts at New England Patriots (+ 7½)
            January 11, 8:15pm EST, CBS.

            A few thoughts about Indianapolis insane comeback last Saturday.  First of all, this was not another “Andy Reid game” where mismanagement fueled the epic collapse.  The only questionable decision by Reid came on the climatic non-conversion on 4th-and-11 when he decided to call Kansas City’s final timeout immediately following the two minute warning.  But why not take a few extra moments to call up the play that will decide the rest of your season?  If Bowe makes that sideline catch inbounds, what is the purpose of having any more timeouts?
            Reid deserves to be commended for overcoming a remarkable slew of injuries and managing to put up 44 points with Knile Davis and Cyrus Gray as the Chiefs’ runningbacks.  But of course, Andrew Luck deserves the most praise.  The guy had three interceptions, no consistent running game, and only real downfield receiving threat.  As we’ve seen so many times in his early career, Luck is fearless, surprisingly agile, and capable of overcoming virtually any deficit (nine 4th quarter comebacks in his first two years).  This guy is going to be on Verizon commercials before we know it.
            Now the real question: Does Luck have what it takes to carry over the second half magic of last Saturday’s came to a hostile outdoor environment in Foxboro?  For Patriot fans, there are some obvious similarities between this matchup and when the Denver Tebows came to New England two Januarys ago.  In that game, New England appeared to have the clear advantage on paper, but Tebow’s surreal 4th quarter mojosecretly scared everyone (and this may be hard to believe, but there was once a time when the words “Tebow is scary” weren’t met with scornful laughter).  I mean, everyone thought: It makes perfect sense that in the Spygate/David Tyree/Bernard Pollard/4th-and-2/Ras-I Dowling/Aaron Hernandez era that the Patriots would blow a game which would have been a no-brainer ten years ago. 
            Well, they didn’t blow that game (but that didn’t stop them from blowing the Super Bowl to this guy three weeks later).  And I don’t really think they’ll blow this game either, but that doesn’t stop every New England fan from thinking the same italicized thought above.  But hey, the 2013 Patriots look nothing like the 2011 Patriots; we’ve replaced Gronkowski and Hernandez with that fearsome running combo of Stevan “Fumble” Ridley and LeGarrette “Big Mac” Blount.  And instead of our pass defense being abysmal like it was back then, now our rush defense is abysmal (without Vince Wilfork, Jerod Mayo, and the Pats’ third leading tackler Brandon Spikes).  And Andrew Luck isn’t anything like Tim Tebow; he is a really good passer and scrambler!
            The best case for the Patriots is that Tom Brady is coming off his greatest season of his career.  No, he probably won’t win the Super Bowl like he did in 2003 or 2004; no, he didn’t throw 50 touchdowns like he did in 2007; he didn’t throw 4 interceptions like he did in 2010.  He had his lowest completion percentage since 2003 and was sacked the most times since his first full season.  But he had more 4th quarter comebacks (5) than any of his previous seasons, and had at least four “There’s no way the Pats win this game” games (vs. New Orleans, Miami, Denver and Cleveland).  And no, the 2013 Patriots didn’t go 16-0 like 2007; but it’s frightening to think how close they came to victories in each of those four losses (three ended on goal-line stands and one ended like this). 
            Another case for the Patriots is that Indianapolis can’t run the ball.  Another case for the Patriots is that the Colts’ D just gave up 44 points to a Jamal Charles-less Kansas City team (and any time your secondary relies on LaRon Landry and former Pats cast-off Darius Butler, it’s not exactly ideal).  Another case for the Patriots is that they scored 59 points on Andrew Luck the last time the Colts came to Foxboro.  Another case for the Patriots is that they are 4-0 in Saturday night Division round games in New England (each of those wins coming during Super Bowl seasons).
            Of course, everyone made similar arguments for the playoff games against the Giants, Ravens and Jets.  It can be argued each of those teams defeated previous Patriots squads which were, frankly, far more loaded with talent.  And it remains to be seen what the limit is for Andrew Luck’s tremendous potential.  But as nervous as this depleted New England team makes me, they’re gradually finding their identity, even if it involves LeGarrette Blount returning kicks (and even more improbably, finding success doing so).  They still somehow managed to score the third-most points in the league and helped give Boston sports fans one of the most thrilling, unforgettable falls of all time.  It doesn’t feel right that the journey ends here.

            Prediction: New England 24, Indianapolis 21

            Playoff doppelganger: 2003 AFC Divisional Round, New England 17, Tennessee 14. En route to their second Super Bowl championship, the Pats played the sneaky-good Titans in frigid conditions on a Saturday night in Foxboro.  The result was a taut, defensive game with little spectacle and a lot of bruising hits.  It was one of the all-time classic “The score is close, but the result is not in doubt” Patriots games from that era which they may have resurrected in 2013.

           
            San Francisco 49ers at Carolina Panthers (+3)
            January 12, 1:05pm EST, Fox.

            The 49ers are the trendy road pick this weekend, but personally, it is difficult for me to see why.  Carolina beat the 49ers in San Francisco back in November.  The Panthers haven’t lost at home since Week One, and have only lost once in their past 12 games.  Statistically, the two teams are remarkably similar: both had a top-five defense, both had bottom-three passing games, both lost to the Seahawks and Saints, both started 1-2, both have 6-5, 240 lb. QBs; and both won 12 games in the regular season. Shouldn’t this essentially be a pick-‘em, with the Panthers getting the slight nod because of the homefield advantage?
            But Vegas likes the 49ers for two (possibly three) main reasons: First, because San Francisco has more playoff experience, and second, that Jim Harbaugh is assumed to be a better coach than Ron Rivera.  In a strange way, this is similar to the 2011 NFC playoffs, when New Orleans (with more playoff experience and the “better coach”) marched into San Francisco as a 3½-point favorite.  The result was one of the greatest playoff games in NFL history, and proof that a bad betting line and negative public consensus can provide great motivation for home ‘dog to play tremendously as a result of feeling disrespected.
            I feel like this Panthers team is a candidate for that.  Frankly, they’ve been underdogs all season.  At the beginning of the year, Vegas listed the over/under win total for Carolina at seven games (Minnesota, St. Louis and Tampa Bay had higher win totals).  This was the make-or-break season for Ron Rivera and possibly Cam Newton.  They were underdogs at home against the Giants before they beat them 38-0.  Against all odds, they beat the 49ers and Patriots on back-to-back weeks.  No one thought they would overtake the Saints for the NFC South crown.  But they proved skeptics wrong.  And now, no one thinks they can win a home playoff game with Steve Smith and Jonathan Stewart returning from injuries.  I suspect they feel perfectly comfortable in the position they’re currently in.
            Let’s consider why they could beat the 49ers.  Yes, San Francisco won in frigid Green Bay weather against a rejuvenated Packers team, but Colin Kaepernick needed his legs on key third downs to beat the league’s 25th-ranked defense.  His passing game was off; he completed just over 50 percent of his passes, and at times made some inexplicably poor throws (nearly getting picked off on the game’s penultimate drive).  Aldon Smith and Justin Smith assaulted Aaron Rodgers; but how will they fare against a quarterback with the lethal speed of Newton?  In the November 10th game (a game which Aldon was limited), Newton was sacked three times, held to 50 percent passing, and gained only 15 yards rushing.  But on the flip side, Kaepernick was also held to 50 percent passing, gained 16 yards rushing, was sacked six times, and the 49ers were held to 151 total yards.
            I said earlier that Vegas likes the 49ers for two, possibly three reasons.  What is the third possible reason?  According to conventional logic, it is difficult to beat the same team multiple times in one season.  And since that November 10 game was without Michael Crabtree, Kendell Hunter, Vernon Davis (in the second half), and a limited Aldon Smith, it makes sense that the 49ers will be eager to avenge that loss.  But I like the Panthers for two main reasons in this game.  First, the Panthers and their fans are used to being underdogs at this point, and when you’re the underdog, you don’t have to worry about things like expectations, publicity or pressure (or at least, as much).  If you think back to the last two playoffs, which team has benefitted the most from going under the radar?  The 49ers.  Now that those roles are reversed, I expect to see a Panthers team that plays with more guts and comfort.
            The second reason is that Carolina will be the 49ers third straight playoff-caliber road opponent (after Arizona and Green Bay).  Teams like the 2011 Giants and 2012 Ravens will tell you that’s not a justifiable reason for losing in the playoffs.  The 49ers are not really like those teams though, relying much more on grind-it-out consistency than getting hot at the right time.  But the truth is, while this game is extremely tough to call, I think the Panthers are being undervalued, the 49ers overvalued, and the result is essentially a flip of the coin.  Something tells me that in this day and age, the pick is the home team no one believes in.

            Prediction: Carolina 24, San Francisco 22
           
            Playoff doppelganger: 2011 NFC Divisional Round, San Francisco 36, New Orleans 32.  For the reasons stated above.


San Diego Chargers at Denver Broncos (-9)
January 12, 4:40pm EST, CBS.

            The game of the weekend.  The two best quarterbacks and offenses, the two best storylines, and the winner should be the AFC favorite to reach the Super Bowl.
            There are many, many reasons to like the Chargers in this game – some obvious, some not so obvious.  Let’s start with the obvious ones: Exactly one month before this Sunday’s matchup, the Chargers marched into Denver and in front of a national TV audience, in a game with significance for both teams, they stomped all over the Broncos.  San Diego’s defense held the unstoppable Denver offense to four straight three-and-outs and 18 yards rushing, while the Chargers offense controlled the ball for 39 minutes and ran the ball 44 times.  And then Philip Rivers put on his rattlesnake boots.
            Now, let’s move to the slightly less obvious reasons to pick the Chargers.  Rivers is 6-2 in Denver and 5-4 all-time vs. Peyton Manning.  In the last seven weeks, the Chargers have beat Kansas City twice, and Denver and Cincinnati on the road.  They just beat a team by 17 points after that team had gone 8-0 at home.  Rivers completed 69 percent of his passes on the season, and since Melvin Ingram has returned from his knee injury, the defense has been outstanding.  Of the Broncos’ three sub-30 point performances this season, two came against the Chargers.
            Finally, let’s look at the least obvious reason of all.  According to the USAToday, since 2009, the last four teams to face the Philadelphia Eagles in their home opener have won the Super Bowl.  Guess which team traveled to Lincoln Financial Field Week 2?  If you guessed this guy, you would be correct.
            In addition, we know that the Broncos offense was record-setting, but let’s look at the troubled recent history of high-scoring offenses when they reach the playoffs:

TEAM
RECORD
OFFENSIVE RANK (Points Scored)
POSTSEASON
2012 Broncos
13-3
2
L Division Round
2012 Patriots
12-4
1
L Conference Championship
2011 Packers
15-1
1
L Division Round
2011 Saints
13-3
2
L Division Round
2010 Patriots
14-2
1
L Division Round
2009 Saints
13-3
1
W Super Bowl
2007 Patriots
16-0
1
L Super Bowl
2007 Cowboys
13-3
2
L Division Round
2006 Chargers
14-2
1
L Division Round
2005 Colts
13-3
2
L Division Round
2004 Colts
12-4
1
L Division Round
2003 Chiefs
13-3
1
L Division Round

            (Note: It’s funny how the 2009 Saints mess this graphic up, just like they did when I was looking at the Seahawks game earlier in the column).
So that’s it.  All the reasons to pick San Diego in the upset over the overrated Broncos this year.  It’s clear.  Offensive juggernauts don’t win in the postseason, and Peyton Manning has has eight “one-and-done” playoff appearances.  It’s the Chargers.  Right?
A good case for the Broncos is that in the December 12 game, Wes Welker was out with a concussion.  He will be back this week.  Another good sign for Denver is that the Broncos were 7-0 in games without Von Miller.  And although he will miss the remainder of the playoffs, his presence or absence did not dramatically alter how the Broncos’ defense played, statistically speaking. 
But the best case for the Broncos is this: Like the Panthers, no one really believes in them (although they still are somehow a 9-point favorite – ridiculous).  Strange to think – a team with a Super Bowl-winning quarterback, with a record-setting offense, and that pretty much indisputably was the best team of the 2013 regular season, now is a team everyone seems to seriously doubt.  The past playoff woes of Manning and good offenses in general may be good long-term indicators, but you’re really saying that can’t win a single game in the playoffs?  For two straight seasons?  After playing in the AFC’s toughest division and beating the Chargers in San Diego when Wes Welker was healthy?
I think Manning is sick of the criticism he is receiving.  Do you realize he hasn’t won a playoff game since he beat the Jets in the 2009 AFC Championship game?  It’s a little similar to that crazy stat about Tom Brady going from January 2008 to January 2012 without a single playoff win.  You can only hold down a talent like that for so long; you’re asking us to believe that Peyton Manning will really go five years without a playoff victory?  And it’s not just Manning either.  This is the best offense in football and no other team was even close (Example: The Broncos scored 76 touchdowns, and the second-place Bengals scored 54).  If Demaryius Thomas had a bad game, then Eric Decker, Welker or Julius Thomas stepped up; if Knowshon Moreno looked sluggish, then Montee Ball and Ronnie Hillman picked up the pace.  And yes, the defense gave up nearly 400 points, but technically, they allowed only three opponents to score 28+ points.  This for a team which offensively scored 28+ points in all but three games.
This game will be a classic.  The winner has an excellent shot of making it to Super Bowl 48.  The Chargers are incredibly hot, but another first-round playoff exit for Peyton Manning just seems too crazy to be believed.   Every instinct in my brain tells me to pick the 9-point road underdog that the public loves.  That’s why I’m picking . . .

Prediction: Denver 34, San Diego 31
           
            Playoff doppelganger: 2009 NFC Championship Game, New Orleans 31, Minnesota 28 (OT).  Two classic quarterbacks, one classic game with a lot of turnovers and a now-immortal radio call.  Peyton Manning and Philip Rivers have had more tragic moments than Julianne Moore onscreen. It feels weird that one of them has to advance to the next round. 
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Posted in 2013 nfl, Colts, kaepernick, Manning face, Panthers, Patriots, Philip Rivers, Philip Rivers' boots, Playoff prediction, Seahawks, tom brady | No comments

Tuesday, 17 December 2013

NFL Playoff Power Rankings: Week 16

Posted on 13:45 by the great khali
            Can we just eliminate the NFC East from pro football?  It’s unquestionably the most annoying division, getting a staggering amount of airtime on national television, and the first thing the talking heads discuss on Monday morning is either Jerry Jones or RGIII.  After another woeful weekend in which football’s supposedly “toughest” division went 0-4 and gave up an average of 34 points per game, the NFC “Least” once again retains the crown of “Most Overrated” in all of sports, followed closely by Mel Kiper’s draft preview, Dwayne Wade’s likability, and professional sports in Los Angeles.  Here are playoff power rankings for Week 16:

AFC Playoffs


1. Denver Broncos (11-3; projected 13-3): They may have lost by only seven points last Thursday, but Broncos fans will tell you that the real effects of the San Diego game aren’t felt in the win-loss column.  The Chargers confirmed all every Denver skeptic’s strongest suspicions: That Peyton Manning can’t throw 15 yards or more downfield in the cold; that the running game cannot be trusted (18 total yards against a team giving up an AFC-worst 4.7 yards per carry); that Wes Welker’s absence is much more significant than anyone thought; and that the defense cannot get off the field in pressure situations (38:49 possession time for San Diego).  Defenders will say that Denver played on a short week against a hungry opponent, but realists will point to the fact that in January, every opponent is hungry (ask the 2012 Baltimore Ravens).  Trips to Oakland and Houston are the best presents anyone in Denver will receive this Christmas.

2. Cincinnati Bengals (9-5; projected 11-5): So the Broncos lose, the Patriots lose, the Dolphins and Ravens win huge games to move within a game of the Bengals, and what does Cincinnati promptly do?  Get blown out by the Stealers, naturally (and somehow move up a spot in my playoff power rankings?!)  Although Cincinnati typically doesn’t play well in Pittsburgh (without the help of God’s Kicker), going 2 for 10 on third downs and allowing 80 percent completions to Big Ben is inexcusable.  Andy Dalton now has a lower QBR (52.8) than any other QB of a team leading its division, and the Bengals finish 2013 going a paltry 3-5 on the road.  They have a favorable home schedule down the stretch (Minnesota hasn’t won in Cincinnati since 1992), but their long-term playoff prospects aren’t exactly solid.

3. New England Patriots (10-4; projected 11-5): The “glass half full” mentality says that the Pats were able to move the ball through the air without Gronk (453 total yards), and lord knows New England would much rather see the Dolphins in Foxboro in January than the Ravens.  I think.  We’ll know more next week when Patriots fans stock up on Melatonin from the drug store and watch Tom Brady have another 3 interception game against Baltimore.  At least the Ravens don’t have to worry about making season-endinghitssince our best offensive weapon is already injured. Look, the wins against New Orleans, Denver and Cleveland were magical, but let’s get real: This team can’t win the Super Bowl.  There’s simply not enough talent, and no real potential for anyone other than Brady to step up and put the entire team on his shoulders.  Let’s just move on to January so when I get my heart broken for yet another year, it will at least be expected.

4. Indianapolis Colts (9-5; projected 10-6): The Colts’ 22-point win over the Texans was their first victory by more than 8 points since September 29 (not coincidentally, the last time they rushed for 150+ yards prior to Sunday).  It’s difficult to assess their performance because it wasn’t against exactly formidable competition, but it was nice to see Andrew Luck not lead his team in rushing for once, and the Colts’ secondary was superb in shutting Andre Johnson down (although the Texans kinda shot themselves in the foot with 14 penalties for 114 yards). We’ll see if any momentum can carry over to next Sunday’s trip to Kansas City, but at this point, Indianapolis has little to play for other than the 3 seed.

5. Kansas City Chiefs (11-3; projected 12-4): Two weeks ago, we were talking about this team being easy playoff fodder for the Colts in Indianapolis in the Wild Card Round.  It’s crazy how quickly things change, although that’s what consecutive weeks against the Redskins’ and Raiders’ defenses will do.  Like the Alex Smith’s 49ers team in 2011, the Chiefs lead the league in takeaways and giveaways, and although he somehow only rushed for 20 yards Sunday, Jamal Charles has to be considered the most dangerous runningback in football.  I could see a 2008 Larry Fitzgerald-likeplayoff run for Charles in an AFC playoff environment that suddenly looks wide open. They have an excellent opportunity to gain some playoff momentum with upcoming games against the Colts and Chiefs, and perhaps not having a playoff bye will keep the intensity and focus intact.  I’m buying into this team.

6. Baltimore Ravens (8-6; projected 9-7): Just how big was Justin Tucker’s game-saving leg Monday night?  The Ravens now have a reasonable chance of earning the AFC’s 2 seed… but could still miss the playoffs altogether.  Like last year, they are turning it on at the right time with their fourth straight win, and with victories in their next two weeks, their last three games will have been against playoff teams.  Reggie Bush’s 14-yard scamper in the first quarter was only the fourth rushing TD Baltimore has given up all year (an NFL-low).  Sunday’s game against the Patriots should be a classic, and there is little doubt in my pessimistic brain they will win on a last-second Hail Mary or something.  That leaves the season finale at Cincinnati, where the Bengals still have not lost all season.  If they win there, the only thing worse than being the AFC’s 3 seed is being forced to watch Home Alone 2 on repeat on the AMCnetwork.

In Contention

Miami Dolphins (8-6; projected 9-7): The Dolphins are the AFC’s version of the Cardinals – that surprising team that will miss the playoffs because of the stupid 8 and 9-win division leaders that will instead get in.  I suppose I should predict them to beat the Bills and the Jets (not exactly the league’s toughest teams) but it’s hard to favor the inevitably tragic Dolphins over the defending Super Bowl champs.  This leads to an interesting question: Who do the Dolphins root for in this Sunday’s Pats-Ravens game?  Maybe a tie?  Or Ray Lewis to indefinitely delay the game by stealing the mic from Jim Nantz?

San Diego Chargers (7-7; projected 9-7): On Thursday night, San Diego played the most impressive game of any NFL team in 2013.  They dominated the line of scrimmage.  They assaulted Peyton Manning and the Denver running game.  They did it in cold weather, on national TV, and against the league’s best team.  The cards are seriously stacked against them at this point – they basically need Miami and Baltimore to lose out.  But should those things somehow miraculously happen… again, the AFC’s 3 seed (which will probably be the team that rhymes with the word “Schnatriots”) may be screwed. 

AFC PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS:
Baltimore 23, New England 20
Kansas City 27, Indianapolis 17
Denver 34, Baltimore 14
Kansas City 17, Cincinnati 14
Denver 30, Kansas City 20

NFC Playoffs


1. Seattle Seahawks (12-2; projected 14-2): Eli Manning moved his record to 2-4 all-time against the Seahawks (don’t forget he’s still 2-0 against the Patriots in Super Bowls) and Seattle got its eighth win of the season against a team with five wins or fewer.  I love Todd’s idea for Pete Carroll to blow this week’s home game against the Cardinals just to make sure the 49ers do not make the playoffs.  Evil, diabolic, and perfectly fitting the Seahawks’ personality.  At this point, all I can root for is for Carroll to rest his starters in Week 17 so the Seahawks will be rusty in the divisional round (and perhaps give Russell Wilson enough spare time to suffer a baseball injury).  The real question: What music does Fox play leading into the Seahawks’ Lombardi Trophy ceremony after their Super Bowl 48 win?  Hendrix, Alice in Chains, Eddie Vedder, Dave Matthews, Soundgarden, Sir Mix-A-Lot . . . My choice would be “Black Hole Sun,” alongside images of angry WTO protestors burning things.

2. Carolina Panthers (10-4; projected 12-4): The Panthers control their own destiny, and since the Saints cannot win outside of the Bayou, Riverboat Ron and CAM! probably face a tougher challenge in their Week 17 trip to Atlanta than their home game this week.  The most promising sign for the Panthers was DeAngelo Williams’ 81 rushing yards (and 168 total yards) against the Jets, as well as the fact that Carolina now moves to 9-1 in games where the defense allows 20 points or fewer. 

3. Chicago Bears (8-6; projected 10-6): I’m convinced the Bears horrid rushing defense finally stood up last weekend as a direct result of my starting Chris Ogbonnaya in multiple playoff fantasy leagues.  No matter; the 2006 Colts own the record for the NFL’s worst rush defense since 1985, and we all know how their season ended.  Also that year, the Colts finished second in the NFL in scoring; so guess who’s second in scoring right now?  If you guessed the Bears, you’re (unbelievably) correct!  The Bears do have to travel to Philadelphia next weekend before hosting Aaron Rodgers (potentially) and the Packers in the season finale.  The real losers for the Bears are those 6,000 starting quarterbacks for Chicago between 1988 and 2004 wondering why Alshon Jeffery and Brandon Marshall couldn’t have come along sooner.

4. Dallas Cowboys (8-6; projected 10-6): Go ahead.  Make fun of me.  Do it.  But watch who laughs when they beat the pitiful Redskins, take care of the Eagles in Big D, beat the Saints at home (which most high school JV teams could probably do) and shock the world by winning in Seattle in the playoffs.  And then watch as I cash in my winnings from their 66-1 odds to win the Super Bowl.  But in all likelihood, I’ll shut up next week after they blow another 23-point lead when they refuse to run the ball.

5. New Orleans Saints (10-4; projected 11-5): Top three things an NFL team can do to annoy Zach Saltz: (1) Win all the time at home and look terrible on the road, (2) Permanently screw up any fantasy football owner like myself stupid enough to take Darren Sproles as their second runningback, and (3) Get blown out by the Seahawks.  The funny thing is, I’ve always loved the Saints, but this year, all they’ve ever done is frustrate me.  It’s not really a good thing when the highlight of New Orleans’ season (for me) was losing to the Patriots in the final seconds.  At least there, they did what they were supposed to do.  And at least if Todd and I had been in Vegas on Sunday, we would have won some money betting against them in St. Louis (the -6.5 line now looks outrageous).  Should the Saints lose Sunday, the 5 seed looms large, which will mean an early playoff exit on the road (sound familiar?)

6. San Francisco 49ers (10-4; projected 11-5): After this season ends, the NFL rules committee should remember the 2013 49ers.  They are probably the NFC’s second-best team (and the league’s third-best), but would have to go on the road if they played Chicago or Dallas in the playoffs.  But that probably won’t even happen since, as the 6 seed, they would go to Seattle in the divisional round.  So potentially, the only really great matchup in the playoffs could happen in mid-January.  Anyway, 49er fans have to be excited at Michael Crabtree’s successful return, along with Kendell Hunter and LaMichael James putting in some valuable playing time off the bench.  In spite of losing by a combined 71-16 in their last two games in Seattle, San Francisco has to be considered the Seahawks’ biggest threat in the NFC.  As Todd suggested, we need to remember what happened after the Patriots beat the Jets 45-3?  Jesus, this week’s column is depressing.

Cue the music: "BLACK HOLE SUN, WON'T YOU COME..."

In Contention

Arizona Cardinals (9-5; projected 10-6): In its first full game without Tyrann Mathieu, the Cardinals surrendered 34 points and 460 yards of offense to the Tennessee Titans.  They were incredibly fortunate to get out of Nashville with a win.  Now it comes down to matchups with the two teams that have plagued them the last few seasons: The Seahawks and the 49ers.  In other news, it still boggles my mind why Bruce Arians continues to go to Rashard Mendenhall (186 carries, 577 yards, 121 receiving yards, 3 fumbles) over Andre Ellington (94 carries, 558 yards, 351 receiving yards, 1 fumble).  Maybe he’s been getting advice from Jason Garrett.

Philadelphia Eagles (8-6; projected 8-8): I’m not totally sure why I’m going against the NFL’s number 2 offense when their remaining games are against the Bears’ and Cowboys’ so-called defenses.  But then again, you shouldn’t be allowed to make the playoffs if you give up 382 yards to Matt Cassel and 48 points to an Adrian Peterson-less Vikings team.

Detroit Lions (7-7; projected 8-8): By virtue of their season sweep of the Bears, they still have a chance.  But like the Eagles, 23 turnovers in their last seven games should make them exempt from any potential playoff discussion.

Green Bay Packers (7-6-1; projected 8-7-1): We’ll know more after Wednesday, when Aaron Rodgers is expected to return to the practice field once again. But I think deep down, Packers fans know that Sunday’s remarkable comeback in Dallas was their greatest moment of 2013.

Engine 5 (14-1; projected 15-1): Terry’s fantasy team can sense victory in the horizon in the Almost Sideways fantasy league’s championship. He’s an underdog to Cali Neva Doggies with their fearsome combination of Peyton Manning and Bobby Rainey, but every move Terry makes seems to be the correct one.  I predict a 40-point week for Ace Sanders.

NFC PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS:
San Francisco 27, Chicago 10
Dallas 37, New Orleans 33
Seattle 24, San Francisco 7
Carolina 30, Dallas 13
Seattle 26, Carolina 18

SUPER BOWL XLVIII PREDICTION:
Seattle 35, Denver 17


            Thoughts?  Comments?  More Nirvana songs and pictures of depressed Patriots fans to share?  Let me know below.
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Posted in 66-1 odds, Adderall, Chiefs, dear god not the Ravens again, depressing, Jim Nantz, NFL Playoffs, Nirvana, Patriots, power rankings, Saints on the road, tom brady | No comments
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